I'm just a little bit depressed, I guess

I wish i could be shadowed by you;
hovered over me like sin.

you unconsciously pinch my heart
by showing your sweet face
and reminding me constantly
that you're out of my life.

You always made my days
something brightly written,
but as soon as you walk away you crumple it with ease
as if i'm a boring, unimportant paper.

You brought me to my knees,
and on my knees I've stayed for weeks.

...until i realized i'm actually face first into the ground
trying to bury myself in the lies you left me with...

I feel like a total mess  =(
There's no escape from this small town just outside of nothing.
School sometimes sucks, listening to them shag and brag, kiss an tell.

I guess my morals and ambition have fallen apart.
I guess I'm just a little bit depressed.

And Let me tell you,
I don't know how long I can take this..

He taught me all's wrong when you think it's all good

Stop all the clocks, 

cut off the lines of the telephone, 

Prevent the dog from barking 

with a meaty bone, 

Silence the pianos.. 

and with a muffled drum, 

Throw out the memories, 

And let the heartache come. 

Let aeroplanes circle, 

moaning over my head 

Scribbling on the sky, 

the lies which I was fed, 

He was my North, 

my South, 

my East 

and West, 

My working week 

and my Sunday rest, 

My noon, 

my midnight, 

my talk, 

my song; 

I thought that love would last for ever, 

I was wrong. 

...I think that heartache lasts forever, 

I hope I'm wrong. 

I don't want the stars now: 

put out every one; 

Pack up this moon 

Then dismantle the sun; 

Pour away the ocean 

and sweep up the wood. 

He taught me all's wrong when you think it's all good*

Months Later

MONTHS later.

Yes, it's months later..

and I s.t.i.l.l don't know what to be without you.


I never thought it would be so easy for you to just let me go - not after everything we've shared and been through.

I see your face everyday, repeatedly staring right through me as if I'm a ghost.. as if I'm not there.

Is it really that easy for you?


I guess people are people and sometimes we change our minds... but what made you change yours?

Really... it's killing me now, after all this time.. and right now, I really can't take this pain.


I think I've been keeping this to myself for too long... maybe I SHOULD in fact speak about things.
Because I've been talking to people about what happened.. but never really said the words that has me corroding on the inside.


Let me tell you the truth..

here it goes ... =(


I was afraid of losing you even before I really knew you. There was something inside of me that haunted me to get to know you. At that stage of my life, I was in a dark place.. I was on the verge of letting myself go.
I fought my ass of for you to let me in.. - but never did i realise that the only thing that made me want to get to know you was my suicidal wishes.
Yes, you were my destruction. You were the thing i needed to fully fuck myself up.

You took me in and formed me into what you wanted as if I was clay... and i was happy to abide with that idea..  until now, that I don't know where and what to be. Where to hide. Where to run.

I followed you right in to the dark.. and became comfortably numb here. I know i have to leave.... but this is all i have left of you .. is the last bit of darkness in me.



I've been walking through things like a pro since you're out of my life.. i cried to days and moaned a week about you throwing me out like this... and then I "got over it"

but you know what??

I'm not.

I still miss you.
I still think of you.
I still love you.
I still hate you.
You're still the thing haunting my sunshiny days..
You're still the one making me want to hurt myself in small weird ways..

but you know what?

I love this pain you left me with..


more than I think I've ever loved you.